smile you are on tv!

Smile you iz on tv

One random Monday in the past December, I was busy writing some good stuff and felt hungry so I decided to cook some good after noon meal, so I just looked into the fridge and found that I ran out of the groceries so I planned to go out and buy some, I opened the garage but my car didn’t start, I had to walk my way down to the store, it took me an hour to reach there but it got me whacked , I bought a bunch of soda cans and stuff; I have a good command at choosing and buying stuff effortlessly but standing in the queue is a rather difficult dare, there were around 11 people and I was at the end, it was pissing me off and I was hungry, I hadn’t eaten for like 11 hours, I would’ve bought some snack and could eat it but the food that I cook gives healthier satisfaction and I got no other choice but to follow my heart finally after an hour of great effort I reached the counter.

Woman at the counter: "236".

I knew the stuff that I bought didn’t cost that much and I could feel that, I spoke up keeping the civil rights in my mind

Me: hey, what are you trying to prove, last time when I came like a week ago this shit didn’t cost this much, are trying to rob me or what, you are a fraud.

The woman at the counter was out of words,

Woman at the counter: "sir, you will have to pay, if you wish to take this stuff along."

Me: "I didn’t say “no” but it’s totally unfair, did you find anything wrong in my face that you are charging me more for."

I still had the receipt of the last week and took it out of my wallet and showed her, it was 167 so I took 200 out handed it to her, she didn’t agree.

Me: "here, that’s it"

And picked the bags up off the counter, she pulled ‘em back

Me: come on I can’t pay that much, try to understand and respect the customer

And snatched the bags all the way off her hands

Woman at the counter: "(pressing the alarm) I know how to deal with you."

Me: "come on you bitch."

I look back and see two fat guards heading towards me and lift me up off the ground.

Me: "come ‘on, what the fuck you can’t do this to me, nooooooooo!, I have been a respectable customer of this store since my nappy days, why?"

I tried to fight back but they were stronger and flung me out but I didn’t touch the ground that was for sure.

"Noooooooooo!"

Me: "who the fuck do you think you are, Ima file a grievance against you dickheads, sue you and make you lick my ass cheek after I shit."

And started walking down the street, I looked away and out of nowhere some limpdick drove over my left foot.

Me: “(screaming in pain) why does it only happen to me? Why?..arrrghhhhhhhhh!"

And fell right on the ground.

I had the cell phone and called my friend Phil, his phone rang but he was not picking it up or just ignoring me.

I'm better off without friends!

I called the nearby hospital van.

The ambulance arrived in like 6 minutes searching for a beat up guy on the road and finally stopped about an inch from my feet.

Immediately put me on the stretcher like a combatant from the World War 2.

Me: "it’s just a slight bruise, hey! Stop it; I just need some paramedic assistance. Whoa!!"

And took me to the hospital.

Right when they took me out of the ambulance, I found strange faced people gawking at me like if I was a goddamn show piece.

Me: "what do you want? I didn’t want to come hear, I just needed some help, am fine it’s just a minor bruise"

It seemed like they thought that I was mentally challenged and fled off some cuckoo’s nest.

They hastily pushed me in a wheel chair and rushed towards the trauma centre.

Me: "can’t you people talk or took solemn oaths to remain speechless."

Triage nurse: "hang in there, it’s gonna be alright."

and handed me some paper slip with number 245..

Me: "wtf? I didn’t have a heart failure, what are you talking about? Am fine, I just need some first aid support that’s it, I don’t want admission."

Triage nurse: "(talking to a paramedic) go get help."

Me: "hey, let me go!!"

Triage nurse: "its ok, it’s ok!! Calm down,"

They put me in a bigger wheel chair and dragged me to a ward.

Then some crazy hag came over and started checking my blood pressure.

Me: "I’m not dead, what are you planning to do?"

Hag: "we are going to keep you under medical observation."

Me: "huh?"

Hag: "here! I’m giving you an injection, everything will be alright."

Me: injection? WHAT?? Nooooooo!!

Hag: its ok, it’s ok!

She didn’t pay attention and gave me a shot on my left butt cheek!

Me: "hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

5 minutes later, I started feeling woozy

Me: "hey! Is it only me or the world is a marry go round."

I tried to get off the bed and escape but it didn’t work out, seemed like they gave me some anesthesia and I was fainting and slowly, slowly I fell dead to the world.

8 PM..

I woke up at some zany place.

Me: "where am I?"

I heard an amplifier announcing “patient conscious, I repeat patient conscious”

Some outlandish looking fella came over

Strange fellow: "itz going to be phine son."

Me: is it some sort of an alien research going on around, am I looking like a fucking ET, fucking I didn’t look like an alien even when I was born.

They tied me on some pole sort of deal

Me: "hey!, come on, no!!"

Aggravation had the best of me

And started weeping.

Strange fellOW: "so when waz the lacht time you had an attack."

Me: "when a dog pounced on me! Why am I telling you this? What the fuck, I just had a car run over my left foot, I was looking for first aid not a NASA alien convention"

They fixed a number of wires around my body like a fucking web server and fixed cameras around me, I t looked strange, stranger than a talking goat. They started gaping into a computer's monitor,

Me: "hey! I’m hungry, get me something to eat."

The hag who gave me the shot showed up with a food carton.

It was peas and broccoli.

Me: "hey! What the fuck is this; get me some good food, where did you fetch this food from “Mars”. Get me a happy meal and beer that’s what I require not a fucking boar food."

Hag: "take it or leave it."

Me: "Ima punch you hag!"

Hag: "silent"

I tried to sneak out, but I got no clue how they got to know that I was fleeing off…

Then all of them around 11 people, started moving towards me,

Me: "hey! What’s wrong with you, are you trying to haunt me, come, ima fuck you up"

Strange fellow: "(smiling) smile you iz on candid camera."

Great captain dipshit, you fuck me up then tell me to smile,

Me: "smile! a kick is in your face now, you cock, fucking, I got respect, standards and you are planning to broadcast this torture with your smelly enormous teeth fucking me up and turning me into a fucking centre of attention."

Strange fellow: "itz ok! You iz on TV. Calm down. My friend, you must be p-roud!"

Me: "proud of what! Your eunuch face or your lard-ass body! I don’t give a fuck about you and how good you feel when your hag tickles around your neck with her ingrown bum hair."

I spent a good 11 minutes cussing at them, when it didn’t work, I started my second trick

I was mad at like all of them and started breaking their units down, they tried to stop me but I was indomitable, I kicked the strange fellow in the crotch and started pummeling him, then some guy with a truckers hat on, showed up and shot me with a tranquilizer gun, I hardly have any clue that how I eventually passed out, the only thing I remember that I woke up in the jail the next day.

I later sued the super store and candid camera for torturing me, I made a little money, I wonder how!

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